My life has been twisting and turning during these past weeks. Good changes are coming my way, and I swear, I couldn't be happier.
Maybe life is supposed to be like this.. Maybe life is supposed to be filled with sudden twists and turns when we less expect them.
During these weeks, my life has improved and worn down a bit... But honestly, I couldn't be happier for the changes that are happening.
I found true happiness with people who really love me... a warm and cuddly group of friends that truly understand me and love me (i hope they do) but they just make me so happy... They've managed to fill my heart with joy :)
I lost a best friend, but it was mutual, and I was actually expecting and waiting for the moment. The relationship was growing toxic every day, I just had to stop it and turn it cold. And it worked.
Now...
As for my love life...
I've found my true love. I've found the guy who makes me as happy as I've ever been. Javier.
I've known Javier ever since I was 6 years-old. We've been best friends ever since... of course, with MANY MANY fights and arguments and splits on that little bumpy road...
I love him more than words can describe. I've loved him ever since I was 6... I've been in love with him since I was 6
About 3 weeks ago, I bumped into him at a restaurant, he hugged me so so very tight... We hadn't spoken in months, due to a fight I had with him over his girlfriend. He hugged me so tight... I just melted in his arms... I think my eyes got teary.... He kissed my cheek twice and after he did he hugged me again... He seemed so happy to see me.
When I got home that day... I had a message from him... begging me to talk to him... I did, but I told him that I didn't want to talk to him due to his girlfriend... that's where I burst and I told him that I ABSOLUTELY, TRULY love him with all of my heart.. That I thought I was going to end up with him... but because of our parents and their friendship, they really don't want us dating. He said he loves me... but sadly, he can't really get out of the relationship he's in.
Then he came to visit.... holy mother of God... he came to my house and we sat outside... next to each-other... We hugged about 10 times... for a long time... he cuddled on my shoulder, ... he kept kissing my cheek... *sigh* his hugs are the best hugs. I wanted to like.. KISS HIM, so badly!! But I had to control myself. He has a girlfriend after all.
We've been "in love" with each-other for about 8 years... 8 years, in love with the same fucking person.. and yet.. We haven't dated.
He was my first kiss... when I was 8 years old.
He was my first crush
my first best guy friend
my first boyfriend.
But with this, I've realized... sometimes you need to give up the things you like to get the things you love, and you have to do it quick and on time... because time waits for nobody, and time is a bitch. Time can only tell what will happen between me and him... I don't know if he's going to break up with his girlfriend... I don't know what will happen. All I know is that I would be the happiest person if i was with him, and we would be happy with each-other..
He's the kind of guy that has a perfect smile (perfect to me) he always smells good, he gives the very best hugs; the kind of hugs that just make you melt into that person's arms, the hugs you just sink with happiness and joy; He's been here for me ALWAYS, he's the guy I can be my weird self with, he's the guy that loves me for who I truly am, he's the guy who makes me cry happy tears, he's the guy who can truly break my heart with a word.
He's an amazing person. I love him with all of my heart. All of it. My thoughts are all about him.. day and night.
I can't imagine my life without him.
Without his presence, without his cuddles, his smile, his hugs...
him.
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