I am reaching a level of done-ness.. with Javier and everything.. I don't even know what's happening or what's gonna happen. All I know is that things are not pretty and cool as I thought they would be.
About 4 weeks ago, he used to be super super nice, he used to start every single conversation I had with him... he used to randomly say "I love you" and stuff like that, he used to even tell me how much I meant to him from time to time.
But now, everything is like, GONE. He doesn't do that anymore, he kind of doesn't give a fuck about me... he doesn't talk to me unless I talk to him first.. he always leaves without saying good-bye, if I say something "deep" he'll just laugh or he won't reply, making me feel stupid. If I ask him if he wants to go out, he's always with friends, or he doesn't reply until the next day... I don't even fucking know what's happening. I am so sad and frustrated all the time because he's just... "Meh"
And all I want to do is literally just.. talk to him.. see him. I want him to ask what's wrong.. or just remind me that he actually cares about me. I guess I was just like a "phase" ... THIS is why I suddenly stop talking to him for months... He makes me feel stupid.
I miss him,
I miss his smile, his voice, his eagerness when he talked to me, his hugs, I miss having him there for me, I miss staying up all night talking to him, I even miss him waking me up super early in the morning just to talk. Hell, I even miss arguing with him about who loved who more.. I miss all the cheesy moments, the stupid jokes... Ugh... but hey, I knew better not to bring my hopes up. EVEN if he's done with Karla.. Nothing actually changed after they broke up, actually everything is shittier, and he promised we would talk more.. .
apparently he broke a promise..
... I wish he wanted to work things out..
I really want to wait for him... but he doesn't...
I used to wonder if things were going to change for us someday... I am so stupid, I need to stop thinking about silly things and face the truth..
Like every guy, he's kind of stupid sometimes. He's a dick when he's with friends, he doesn't want to get into a relationship with me, he thinks I will always be there even if he finds someone else... he thinks I love him as a friend...
I am actually In-Love with him.. I wish he could understand the fact that I would actually love to be with him...
I fucking love him.
I wish he could understand.
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