Wtf is happening?

I talked to him the other day about what in fucks sake is he doing. He says he's not happy with her, he says he's fed up with her, he whines about her, etc. And I finally asked...
WHAT IN FUCKS SAKE ARE YOU DOING THERE THEN? 
I told him that if he really wanted to end the stress and the pain and everything else, he would put an end to that relationship. He claims he's scared of being alone at school, yet he's changing schools this fall to a much bigger one, where he can meet new people. 
See? it's not really that I care if he choses to be with me, or if he meets someone new... but the thing is, he's upset, he's hurt, he's tired and he really is scared of putting an end the toxic relationship he's carrying with her. UGH. 
What I am also trying to say... is that... if he doesn't chose me in the end (what will probably happen) I will finally put an end to both the weird relationship we had, and the long-lasting friendship we're in... 
I just can't wait for this long anymore... I've had enough pain, I just really want him to break up with her... She's not good to him and she really wouldn't mind. 
The whole thing is really fucked up. I mean.. how long will I have to wait for him to actually do something about it?!? 
......
Bleh.

Is it All Worth it? 7-8-14.

I don't know what's going on now. Everything is changing really fast, everything is just rushing by. I don't know what's happening and I clearly do not know what will happen. Maybe someday I'll be with him...Maybe I'll be miserable for the rest of my life without him. Is there any way I can be happy with him someday?

Fuck... my life isn't O.K without him. My thoughts are completely FLOODED with him...

I miss him. I miss his hugs so fucking much... I want one of his tight hugs and just sink into his arms... I fucking love his hugs. 

I wonder if his girlfriend feels like I feel. I think that everyday would be wonderful if I was with him... waking up and knowing I have him... talking to him without being scared on what to say... not being scared of kissing him or hugging him... going out with him without getting any hate from stupid minions... 

My life needs him... I fucking need him, I don't want him, I REALLY fucking need him...Which really fucking sucks.

And as usual... 6-1-14.

Well,as usual.. such is my luck, that things NEVER work out for me. 

I haven't talked to him in about 3 weeks, and the worst part is that he sees every single one of my messages and he still won't answer. Not after I actually find myself begging for him to talk to me and tell me what I did wrong... he won't tell me and he won't talk to me. I cry myself to sleep every single night, just thinking about what I could've possibly done wrong. I find nothing. I don't know what's happening, I've tried everything... I feel miserable without him. I need him. I fucking need him. But oh well, I guess things are OK with his girlfriend now? He doesn't need my moral support? he needs nothing from me so now he fucking leaves me to die in a dark alley. What is wrong with him??? I don't get it!!!! I feel like screaming into his fucking perfect face and tell him everything I am feeling and holding in at the moment!! This may sound selfish, but I hate seeing him so happy with her, while I'm here sinking into my own fucking tears, not sleeping, not eating, not being able to focus while I think about that day he came to visit. Why does this always happen to me?? WHY MUST I ALWAYS BE THE ONE WHO ENDS UP HEARTBROKEN? WHY DO I NEED TO STICK TO PEOPLE WHO WON'T SUPPORT ME?? I feel like the hole he temporarily filled in my heart is now back to being hollow and cold... I feel like the hole got bigger and deeper... darker and colder.. I feel like everything is going downhill with him, very fast. 

I wonder if he cares.